August 29, 2012

Official Playlist of the 2012 Republican National Convention

Hi guys! Paul Ryan here, aka DJ Jobkreator. This week, it is my great honor to accept the Republican Party's nomination for Vice President of the United States at the Republican National Convention in Tampa. 

Not many people know that the vice presidential nominee is responsible for selecting the music that plays throughout the convention. This is a bipartisan tradition dating back to Henry A. Wallace in 1940. For the soundtrack to that year's Democratic National Convention at Chicago Stadium, Wallace's only choice was a six hour audio recording of scientists testing cosmetics on mice. More delegates were into this than you might think.

To put together the music for this year, I sat down with a clean sheet of paper and selected some of my favorite songs that embody strong conservative values: economic freedom and a level playing field for all Americans; a responsible, balanced budget; a fair tax code; and giving families the freedom to make their own choices about education and health care without government getting in the way. With this playlist, people like you can "Rock The GOP" in your home, boat or on the go. 

For their support and encouragement, my thanks are due to John Boehner (DJ Frostboehne) and Mitt Romney (DJ Mitt Romney.) 


Another great cut from the Boss/job creator. This soaring, triumphant anthem tells the story of a man who knows what he wants out of life and is determined to make it on its own. It's not the story of a man who knows what he wants out of life and expects that government handouts will get him there.

No real relevance. I just like this one. 

(And Also For Vice-President)

A great, irreverent tribute to capitalism and the private sector work ethic. With our strong business record, nobody understands better than Governor Romney and me what the Frogs are talking about in this song. If we didn't "play for money," as it were (this is a metaphor - I'm speaking primarily about governance; we're not really musicians) then I don't think we'd be qualified to hold public office.

I'm working, but I'm not working for you. A rousing indictment of entitlement programs.

Rumor has it that if you play this track backwards, Robert Plant can be clearly heard to say “Romney/Ryan 2012.” No, that’s just an urban legend. We will be playing this song backwards though.

We’ve got a little bit of “walking to do” before we can get this president out of office. This is also a good workout tune. Not that we'll be doing reps on the convention floor. Maybe we will.


Look, I think this president is fundamentally a good man, a good family man. But does he really know what it's like out there for common people? I've done town hall meetings. I've talked to my constituents. I've talked to real American families who are hurting. And though we all agree that health care in this country's got to get fixed, Americans don't think that a government takeover of healthcare is the solution. What Americans want is for us to start over, on a clean sheet of paper, and move through these issues and fix them. I can do this. I have a whole thing of clean paper in my desk. I love paper, and it's ready to go. 


Like, I know, right?

Throughout the campaign, this president has tried to make the debate about distractions because he can't run on his record. That's what this song is in reference to. It's very much in reference to the president's record. Please don't misinterpret it as a statement about Governor Romney or myself. To be fair, I know this one is a little tenuous. 

1. Summer of '98. 3:13 a.m. I've just heard the last line - it's "but don't hate her when she gets up to leave" and I didn't need to look it up, though you have no way of knowing this - and I let it linger, like you would a strange new taste that is sweet and bitter and perhaps if you hold on for as long as you can you will remember - you will know - that far-off thing it reminds you of...

2. "I don't want to have lived in vain like most people. I want to be useful or bring enjoyment to people, even those I've never met. I want to go on living even after my death! And that's why I'm grateful to God for having given me this gift, which I can use to develop and to express all that's inside me!" - Annalies Marie Frank (1929 - 1945)

3. You are young and in love and you know this and you know that this will come to an end but maybe it never truly does. It's hard to explain. But that's okay - I understand it. I understand it now.

4. Good drum sound on "Ghost."

5. It was not possible to choose just one song from this album. It needs to be heard at the 2012 Republican National Convention in its entirety.


August 2, 2012

Legends of the Chateau Marmont

High above Sunset Boulevard looms a stately Gothic castle, looking like something out of medieval times or Medieval Times. There's no knights in this castle, though - not unless you count poor Sir John Gielgud, who lies in the basement where Laurence Harvey dumped his corpse. (Allegedly.)

No, we speak instead of the fabled CHATEAU MARMONT. Glamorous, sexy and dangerous, for 85 years the Chateau Marmont has been where the Hollywood elite meet to stay in a hotel. The biggest names in show business (Paul Newman, others) have passed through its walls, and the Chateau is as notorious for its star-studded clientle as it is for that clientele's outlandish behaviour. It's the place where Billy Idol once trashed a suite because room service had poured the truffle oil over his french fries instead of putting it in a separate thing. For many stars, it's a home away from home, family and responsibilities. And for an unfortunate few, it's where they meet an untimely demise. (Sir John Gielgud. Do the research.)

Oh, how we could go on. But while the "old Hollywood" mythology of the Chateau Marmont is exciting, it's important to remember that some of the Chateau's legends are merely that - legends, like that of the mighty Pegasus. That's why we've taken the time to help you sort the fact from the not fact.

There's always someone you know staying at the Chateau Marmont.
This is true. Celebrities are regular visitors to the Chateau. It's guaranteed that you'll see at least one famous face during your visit. As a back-up, the Chateau keeps Daniel Baldwin in the lobby at all times.

The Eagles' hit "Hotel California" is about the Chateau Marmont.
This is true. Like the rest of the Eagles' discography, "Hotel California" was devised and commissioned by the Los Angeles Chamber of Commerce. 

Led Zeppelin rode their motorcycles through the hotel lobby.
This is false. Nobody from Led Zeppelin has ever owned a motorcycle.

Breakfast is like forty bucks per person, without tip.
This is true and it's bogus.

Billy Wilder once slept in the bathroom of his Chateau suite to avoid an overbearing and unstable roommate - Peter Lorre.
This is true. Wilder remained in the bathroom until he passed away some 30 years later.

The Chateau Marmont is built out of Errol Flynn's bones.
This is false and I don't know how this rumor started.

The Chateau Marmont is built out of Clark Gable's bones.
This is true.

While a guest at the Chateau, Dennis Hopper staged and filmed wild, drug-fuelled orgies, some of which had almost 50 participants.
This is false, and it's offensive. Hopper was a deeply moral and devout family man. The "Speed" star was also an avowed teetotaler and even has a co-writing credit on Minor Threat's seminal anthem "Straight Edge."

The Chateau Marmont is haunted.
This is true.

Roman Polanski stayed at the Chateau Marmont before fleeing the United States to avoid sentencing on charges of unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor.
This is true. It's said that Polanski left behind a series of devilish riddles that would lead the police right to his doorstep. To date, the United States authorities have been unable to solve these riddles.

James Dean famously hopped through a window at the Chateau to audition for "Rebel Without A Cause."
This is patently false. There are no windows at the Chateau.

It is customary to tip the hotel staff.
This is false.

John Belushi died of a drug overdose at the Chateau.
This is false. John Belushi died in a Culver City Burger King. The cause of death was loving Burger King too much.

F. Scott Fitzgerald suffered a heart attack at the Chateau Marmont.
This is a common misconception. Fitzgerald actually caused several heart attacks by lurking under guests' beds and seizing their ankles. Fitzgerald was well known for his pranks.

Be careful - the walls of the Chateau have ears.
This is true. In 1971, Elliot Gould was forcibly plastered into a wall by his "MASH" co-star Robert Duvall. Duvall also loved a good prank.

Howard Hughes once occupied the hotel attic. From this vantage point, he would spy on women undressing outside through binoculars.
This is true. He loved pranks!!!

Christian Bale is at the Chateau Marmont right now.
Yes, in suite 57.

Photography is not permitted.
This is true.

Cocaine, heroin, speed, ketamine, LSD, acid, mushrooms, bath salts, stalking, mail fraud, the production of pornography, suicide, assault, sexual assault, exploitation and obstruction of justice are not permitted. 
This is false.